I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
