are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
