hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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