I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
