my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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