you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
