You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize