never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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