good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my gift to your gina
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
