Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
