Do you still have your period?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me I should be a condom model.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
