Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
