Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
