you guys were way drunker than both of me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
