there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
