No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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