and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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