How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
