I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
please come you make the beer taste better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
