My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
