I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
