Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
