So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
