So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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