i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
