she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
