so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
