i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
