Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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