I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
