I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
