Only a mothe r could love this liver
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
