I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
