I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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