I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
