And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
