Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
