ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
