Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
