The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
