i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Betty ford says i'm here all night
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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