If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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