i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
