i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
