i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
