We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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