so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
