Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
