hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think i got beer on your cat.
tell me about the fingering
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