Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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