You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
