That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
