I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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