Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
