Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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