I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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