Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
