Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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