Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
