my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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