and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
