Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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