Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
