Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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