Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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