there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
