I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
